We get loads of questions about our adoption. When I say we get loads of questions about it, what I really mean is we get loads of people all asking the exact same question about it. And essentially that question is, in it's many forms, “Any news?” It's a ruthless conversation killer.
“Any news” diminishes what is essentially the biggest and most important thing we’ve ever done into a short one-word answer type of question. And the answer is always no. Guys, if we had news, trust me, you would know!!
I recently read this article on what it feels like waiting those last few weeks and days of pregnancy before the baby arrives. She describes the experience as:
"A time of in between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self, balanced on the edge of pregnancy (motherhood). One foot in your old world, one foot in a new world."
"The time and place where mothers linger, waiting to be called forward."
"This uncomfortable time of aching... vulnerability, and openness, essential to the birth of a mother."
And although I have never been pregnant, I know that feeling really really well. It's a really peculiar sort of limbo. But instead of days, or weeks of waiting, for us it is months. So during a wait that can be excruciating long, the questions I really appreciate are the sort that cannot in any way be answered with one word. The sort that emphasize the excitement and awesomeness of this whole thing.
In fact, all of the best adoption conversations I've had have been started over dinners -- that's usually when you can tell people are really interested and want to spend some serious time talking about it -- and have been born out of some really great and thoughtful questions.
1. Tell me about what you’ve been doing to get ready for the baby.
2. How are you feeling going through all this?
3. Can you explain open adoption and what that's going to look like for your family?
4. How did you guys make the decision to adopt?
5. What has the adoption process been like?
6. What about new parenthood are you most excited/nervous about?
I'm pretty sure I would never be insightful or attentive enough to think of these sorts of questions without my own personal experience with adoption, so I get it! Which makes me really appreciate the people who seem to know just exactly what to ask so much more.
So to the authors of these fantastic adoption questions, I love you for them!