The hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let go. At least I thought it was. But in every boy I met in the next few years, I found myself looking for you, and when the feelings got too strong I'd write you another letter. But I never sent them, in fear of what I might find. By then, you'd gone on with your life and I didn't want to think about you loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were that summer. I didn’t want to ever forget that.
~ The Notebook
Love and being in a relationship are the complete opposites of each other. Yes, I know that many eyebrows will be raised by the statement but to me it is true. According to my definition of love, when you love someone truly, you are supposed to accept that person the way he/she is. In fact, when you love someone, you love them wholly, every part of that person. Love is not about loving the particular way a person does a particular thing, or the way they look, smile, laugh. It is also about loving how they are rude, angry, and sad; the way they behave selfishly when facing certain problems. In short, it is about loving every single thing about that person.
"To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can't do this."
Love is about not complaining or demanding anything from that person. It’s about understanding the person’s problems, dreams, plans, and considering them your own. If you’re hurt by something that your loved one does, you are supposed to endure it without complaining. If you need your loved one to be there and he/she isn’t, you’re supposed to be patient and not demanding. In other words, when you truly love someone, you are not supposed to expect anything form that person.
"Love, an emotion so strong that you would give up everything. To just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special. To know that you can feel what love really is; to know, to feel, to love."
I’m sure that reading all this will be pretty annoying for some people. It may be that some people don’t even understand what I’m talking about, but well, let me elaborate. Let’s consider an example: you’re in love with someone but that person isn’t in love with you. Now, if that person ignores you, doesn’t talk to you, doesn’t give you time or is not there for you when you need him/her, can you really blame him/her? He/she has not made any commitment to you and it is definitely not his/her fault that you’re in love with him/her. What can you do then? You’ll either find a way to deal with it yourself or you will suffer alone. Similarly, when you are in love with someone, you don’t love that person just so that he/she will love you back. You are not supposed to expect that person to have the same feelings for you. It sure is human nature to hope that the person you love loves you back but if that person doesn’t, you can’t blame them. Neither do they have a control over their feelings and nor do you.
You and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me the value of love. ~ The Notebook
Now let’s talk about relationships. When you’re in a relationship, you’re allowed to do a lot of stuff that shouldn’t be done if you’re in love with someone. For example, you are allowed to demand, complain and interfere in a person’s life. If this is the case, then this makes relationships the complete opposite of love and the above explanation justifies this statement.
I believe that if you complain about something that you don’t like about the person you love, or be angry with that person because he/she didn’t do what you told him/her to do, or behave badly with him/her because he/she doesn’t give you time or treat you the way you want to be treated, you’re just insulting your own love. It just means that you don’t love the person completely. And when you are in a relationship, you are allowed to do all that. It feels like relationships simply contradict love. I know that it is not possible for most of us to not complain or demand (unless you are in an open or in a different kind of complicated relationship :/). May be we can’t even love that way… Or may be I’m just too messed up in the head and looking at it only one way, but this is just one of the completely random things that popped into my head and something that I’m going through right now as well. Yes, I have nothing to say after this so I will leave this post somehow unfinished.